The Real History of Noah's Ark, Part-3

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This is the final part of a three-part short story whose reception has been alarmingly positive. Read Part-1 and Part-2!

The Real History of Noah's Ark, Part-3

Noah stood on the deck of the enormous ark. His children were inside bracing for the moment they'd been imagining for nearly their entire lives.

"Hey, Dad?" yelled his eldest son from the cabin. 

"Not now, Shem."

"When are we gonna move?"

"In a minute, Shem."

"Hey Dad?"

"Yes, Shem?"

"There’s pee pee everywhere.”

Noah dropped his head. He watched the bulbous drops of rain bounce off the wooden floor, envisioning the waters rising above the ark and swallowing him whole. The rain was coming down harder now, his robe was soaking wet, and he knew this thing wasn’t going to move until all the animals were aboard. But without the camel, that was impossible.

Why, he kept wondering, why didn’t god choose someone more worthy than me?

“Ready when you are,” said god.

“Uh, what?” asked Noah, looking around to make sure his sons weren’t playing another prank. 

“You got all the animals, right?” said God.

Noah saw his chance. Although biblical scholars argue over his worthiness, there is no debate over whether he knew a good thing when he saw it. This was his opportunity, not just to save him and his family, but to save all mankind.

“Of course I have all the animals,” Noah said confidently. Overconfidently, the way I heard the story told.

“Even the camel?” God asked. “

"Yuh-huh.”

“So you got that camel? The one you really didn’t want to get?”

“I think that’s a bit of a misrepresentation but yeah, I got it. Let’s get the heck out of here.” Noah closed his eyes, gripped the side of the ark as hard as he could, and prepared to float away. 

“Noah'leh,” said god. “My sweet Noah'leh. I know you don't have the damn camel.”

Noah loosened his grip. He had nothing left.

“I tried,” he shouted to the sky. “I tried so hard. But, but, but.... it’s dead. Okay? It’s dead! I waited too long. I kept pushing it off and pushing it off, and now it’s dead.”

“Don’t you think I know that, Noah?" asked God.

Noah hadn’t considered this. "Then why’d you make me go through all that?" he asked. "That was like the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

“I know! You almost got raped!" said god. "I didn’t think you were actually gonna go through with it.”

“I really do not get you. At all!” Noah said through clenched teeth. 

“Listen," god said. "I never even wanted you to build the ark. This thing is absurd. Look at it.”

“You couldn’t have told me this 120-years ago?”

“You never asked, Noah.”

That one hit home. It was true. Noah never did talk to god about... any of it. None of the shame. The guilt. The burden. The everpresent fear of being raped. 

“When I realized you were actually building it, I had to come up with something else," god continued. "Something so crazy that I knew for sure you wouldn’t do. So I asked you to get that awful guy's camel. And then you even did that! I mean, Noah, you’d do just about anything not to talk to me, huh?"

Noah was holding back tears. All god wanted, this whole time, was simply to hear from him. And at that very moment, Noah heard a scream. 

“Noah! Noah! It’s me! Your friend! From before?”Noah looked over the side of the ridiculous vessel and saw a figure wading in the neck-high water. It was the guy. “Please!" he shouted, "Let me on! I promise, I won’t rape any of you!”

Noah felt the familiar pit in his stomach that he had felt for the last 120-years. The feeling he was obligated to do something he really didn’t want to. But this time, instead of swallowing this feeling, he took a deep breath and looked up the Heavens. 

“God,” Noah said, “I don't know what do.”

And just like that, the ark floated from the ground and began to drift.

Noah smiled, shared a brief laugh with the Creator of the Universe, and walked inside to join his family, as the guy begged for his life beneath him in the rising waters.

And that, my dear friends, is why– to this day– there are no camels.

This is the final part of a three-part short story. Read Part-1 and Part-2!

⏰ I watched this 100 times. 

📺 YMH with Louis CK. 🚨 Explicit Content Warning! 🚨 I'm late to this podcast, but apparently it's a husband and wife who have great convos with guests and then show them disgusting videos so they can watch their guests react. (They've turned it into a big business with PayPerView episodes). Anyway, Louis' reaction to this TikTok goes from very funny to quite profound and ends in tears. As promised, I'm sharing the stuff that fascinates me so here it is (at 1:38:11).

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