There’s More Than One Zach Braff, Assh*le

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In Today's Email ✍🏻 Story | 🎶Zusha |🎙️RFK

There’s More Than One Zach Braff, Assh*le

Hi! My name is Zach Braff. No, not that Zach Braff. I'm the writer, film director, and former star of the NBC workplace comedy, "Scrubs." The Zach Braff you're thinking of is the owner/chef of the crematorium on Avenue M that insists its restaurant is kept separate from the rest of the facility. I'm the guy who's dating Florence Pugh. I'm fairly tall. I have a great head of hair and Christopher Turk and I really are best friends! We don't just play besties on TV. The Zach Braff you're thinking of went through a difficult divorce and threw himself into his work but still never managed to advance in his career. I'm the Zach Braff who went on Kickstarter to raise money for a film, and spent months dealing with the backlash. In the end, I never even raised the money. The Zach Braff you're thinking of has a daughter who won't speak to him because he spent the last semester of her college tuition betting against Barak Obama in the 2008 election.

People ask me all the time what it's like to be a big Hollywood star, and I always tell them that I'm just like everybody else. The truth is, I'm not like everybody else. I'm Zach fucking Braff, the golden boy of primetime programming that can walk onto "That's My Jam Hosted by Jimmy Fallon" anytime he damn well pleases; not some guy whose brother tried to off him but overdosed the night before and then when he was cleaning out his deceased brother's apartment after the funeral he found proof– like actual written documentation– about how his own brother planned to murder him with a homemade weapon. The closest I've come to being murdered was in the reviews for my second feature , "The Last Kiss," starring the wonderful Rachel Bilson. The Zach Braff you're thinking of actually did end up getting murdered by his brother– not that one, a different brother. I'm the Zach Braff who never won as Oscar for my directorial debut Garden State, but just getting nominated was an honor.

All I know is what it's like to be offered $650,000 to be in a Super Bowl commercial. That's the kind of money the Zach Braff you're thinking of might have earned over the course of his lifetime (if he hadn’t publicly mocked his psychotic brother’s outfit at a BBQ near a highway). It took me four days to shoot that commercial. Four days. I didn't even know what to do with the money. I didn't feel guilty. I was just sort of confused. Maybe even a little irritated. That's the sort of problem I have. The Zach Braff you're thinking of wouldn't know a thing about that.

🎶 Gotta shoutout Zusha, who have been working on a series of Reels and one of them finally blew up. 3.5 million views last I checked, and their followers went from 15k to 109k+. I’m just happy for them. And for those of us wondering what the value of a follower even IS, the song they released based on that viral reel now has 170k+ plays on Spotify. I think that’s just fine. (Also, the comment on Insta asking if they’re a gay Jewish couple killed me 😂).

🎙️This newsletter has a policy of never publicly endorsing political candidates. That being said, I thought this interview with RFK Jr. was worth sharing. I’ve previously bought into the narrative that he’s a conspiracy-theory kook blowing money on a hopeless campaign, but I actually found his energy and worldview surprisingly appealing here. Being an insider’s-insider and a skeptic of our institutions might turn out to be a formidable combination. I wouldn’t dismiss him just yet. This segment was particularly interesting. (All In Podcast, long).

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Michael Weber is a writer and money enthusiast. If you received this email, you signed up for his newsletter at some point. If you'd like to unsubscribe, you must first find somebody else to replace you. Share a link to subscribe!