Yelp Ratings Can Be Misleading

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In Today's Email ✍🏻 Story | 📱Wartime Content Reccs

Yelp Ratings Can Be Misleading

He walked out of the patient's room and tore his mask off like it was suffocating him. "Time of death, 10:35," he said with a note of remorse in his voice. Less than you'd think, though.

"AM or PM?" asked the receptionist from the front desk.

He looked out the window. "AM," he said.

It was my turn to go in next. "Is it typical to lose a patient?" I asked.

"It happens every day," he said, removing a bloody latex glove before placing his bony hand on my shoulder. "Worst part of my job."

"But you're a dentist," I said.

"Son," he said, "if watching patient, after patient, after patient, die in your dentist's chair is something you can't handle, then this may not be the business for you."

I was just there to get my crown replaced. This practice had the highest Yelp rating, which I now began to think had more to do with their marketing savvy than a reflection of their ability to keep their customers satisfied. And alive.

"You can just step right in," the receptionist said. "Dr. Z. will be in as soon as he fills out some paperwork for insurance and law enforcement."

Part of me wanted to run. But part of me felt like that was impossible. I was already there, after all, and everybody at the office would be mad if I messed up their lives by leaving. Perhaps this was the same impulse that allowed to me to keep Trader Joe's Sour Jelly Beans on my bedside table and eat them throughout the night. Perhaps it was the impulse that concluded spending four entire minutes each day brushing my teeth is time I simply can't afford, but regularly spends 90-minutes each day watching YouTube videos of British intellectuals debating models who hosted news shows.

Regardless, it was then and there that I decided to maybe think about considering some options about whether or not to start looking into the possibility of discussing getting better dental insurance.

Do you find yourself confused by this story? Forward it along to your weirdest friend and ask if they understood it!

My content diet lately has been a combination of Israel-Hamas takes and the most mind-numbing distractions I can find.

📹 Elle Cordova is a folk singer who also happens to be a brilliant comic actor and writer. I originally found her through this reel (and this one), but the one below is equally great. I watched it without any volume and actually liked it better that way. (If someone knows her maybe tell her to stop using her voice so much?)

🗞️ Back to Israel-Hamas! A preview of Europe’s future brought to us by The Dutch, and a deep dive into Hamas’ balance sheets.

📺 Back to numbing myself! I’m not a big NFL guy– although I was briefly ranked 425th in the world this season in ESPN’s Pigskin’ Pickem’ League– but this show hits a sweet spot when I need to turn my mind off. The Dolphins coach is pretty fascinating and it’s a vital look under the hood of an organization that seems to have a real sense of purpose and vision. The players also really seem to not want camera crews following them around which is fun. HBO, 1-hr., sometimes less.

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Michael Weber is a writer and a pro-Israel hair-loss influencer. If you received this email, you signed up for his newsletter at some point. If you'd like to unsubscribe, you must first find somebody else to replace you. Share a link to subscribe!