Small Business Owners Were Hurt Most By This Election

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Small Business Owners Were Hurt Most By This Election

Hi.

I’m pretty confident that you are not the right person to be contacting. Please feel free to direct me to someone a bit more junior who might be able to help. It’s just that, everybody in the administration is pretty unresponsive these days so I, uh, thought that maybe you could help, Mr. President.

You may not be aware of this, but back in May you ordered 10,000 medium, large, and XL t-shirts for the Biden/Harris 2024 campaign. Right before that debate. Really nice unisex polyblend crew-necks in white and royal blue. I believe on the back you printed “Let’s Finish the Job!” Anyway, I own the warehouse that’s been storing that order since it arrived, and I just really, really, need to know: Is anybody planning to pick those up?

I don’t live under a rock, so I’m aware of what happened. But, y’know. I don’t want these things either.

Have you considered maybe trying to sell them ironically? Are college kids still into that type of stuff? Or have they gotten a bit more sincere over the last few years? 

Maybe someone’s working on a movie about the debate? Because, if someone is making a movie about it, I’m sure there’s a rally or something the extras need t-shirts for. And if nobody is making a movie about it, that’s a shame.  

Anyway, those are just some suggestions. I’ve heard that a lot of the losing teams in the Super Bowl donate their unworn swag to kids in Africa. I don’t know where a campaign that never even ran would send them. What’s worse than Africa? Oh c’mon, you know what I mean. 

I hate to say it, but if I don’t hear back soon I’ll have no choice but to let the Trump people know about this extra inventory. And God knows what they’ll do with these shirts. Whatever it is, I’m sure it won’t be kind to your legacy, sir. They’re already on my ass about making more room to warehouse all the merch they’re selling. Frankly, they can’t make enough shit to sell to these people. Lots of flags. They seem to like flags. And hats, obviously. 

When I was approached by Yonatees to sponsor this week’s issue, I only had one question: If we do this, can I get a Grateful Dead shirt with the Israel thing on it for free? Unfortunately, we weren’t able to come to an agreement that satisfied all parties. And now my wife won’t allow me to spend the money I made from this Yonatees ad on buying a Grateful Dead t-shirt with the Israel thing on it. She claims we need it for other things, like drinking water and education. So you won’t be seeing me wearing a Grateful Dead shirt with the Israel thing on it at Phish setbreak this New Year’s.

But maybe your wife isn’t like mine. Maybe your wife lets you have nice things. NOT because you’ve earned it. No. But because if she doesn’t, you’ll be in a bad mood and it’s honestly just easier for everybody to let you have what you want and move on.

So whether you’re the spouse of an entitled child, a deluded Goose fan, or someone who’s been trying to get custom t-shirts printed for their family’s aliyah flight this Summer, check out Yonatees for all your heimish concert gear and custom printing needs.

Last week, I gave up on TV. The Netflix Top-10 so thoroughly depressed me that I made a commitment to go back into my Hulu list and actually watch all the incredible movies I had saved over the last few years but never got around to. I started with Ad Astra, a movie I remember as a big disappointment, mostly because it was marketed as an action movie in space but is very far from it. It’s co-written/directed by James Gray, who makes these slow, understated, character-driven films, usually taking place in parts of Brooklyn real people live in. This was supposed to be his huge blockbuster breakout, but the movie ended up being just like his others (which I love on so many levels). I’ve been thinking a lot about it since watching– which, for me, is the only indicator I care about when deciding if a movie is good. It’s about sons, fathers, and mutant space monkeys hunting humans. (Watch on Hulu, 2h3m)

🇮🇱I know, I know, enough of this guy. I’m also surprised I haven’t turned on him yet.

Just listen to this episode starting at 50:25. Here, Haviv Rettig Gur goes through the history of Algeria, its successful fight against their French occupiers from 1954-1962, and how the Palestinians have modeled their less successful resistance after the Algerian strategy. It explains so much, and I love it because it treats the Palestinian terror organizations as rational, sophisticated, and tactical, instead of as frustrated children who simply need to be given different incentives.

🎶 Breathe in. Breathe Out. At least, that’s what I’m told.

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Michael Weber is a writer who has recently taken on significant debt he cannot afford to pay a contract lawyer who specializes in newsletter sponsorships. If you received this email, you signed up for his newsletter at some point. If you'd like to unsubscribe, you must first find somebody else to replace you. Share a link to subscribe!