Bad Similes

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In Today's Email ✍🏻 Story | ▶️ TikTok | 🎥 Doc

Your Similes Are Bad

Dear Michael,

I very much enjoyed the manuscript of your novel that you shared with our editors. My only suggestions for the next draft are to:

(1) Number the pages.

(2) Remove the following similes:

My father was always confident, like a blonde woman driving a Range Rover.

I stood at the urinal humiliated and grateful nothing exploded, like when you shut off your car before putting it into park.

The puppy was cute but unbearably stupid, like a young woman who tells you her favorite film is a movie that came out 6-months ago.

The sounds of construction around the nascent city were growing louder every moment, like the voices of two women who realize they're becoming friends.

There was something bizarre behind the boy's posture that made you question if what was happening was even allowed, like a closed Dunkin' Donuts.

In that moment, I was forced to wonder where things went so wrong, like when you see a remarkably handsome man riding the subway.

His small, scarred, hands were an unsettling marriage of masculine and feminine, like a Toyota pickup truck.

I finally had the space I craved, but it felt both mean and necessary, like the empty seat between two friends who go to the movies together.

Held tightly in his hulking arms, she felt time becoming fluid, like watching a movie on a plane and seeing a future scene in the seat beside you.

The doctor removed his blue nylon gloves and took a pause was painfully long, like the walk from the elevator to the hotel room on our trip to Vegas. You weren't there, unless you're my wife, but you'll have to take me at my word that it was very, very, long.

Every issue I share some content that has either inspired me to write, or not to write. Here they are:

▶️ This channel is everything I love about the Chinese psy-op. Get it while you still can.

🎥 If you want to know what's really been happening for the last 15-years, and what the next 15-years might look like, check outThe Age of Easy Money It's a documentary from PBS that's now on YouTube, and it will fully frighten you. Do not watch if you don't already own bars of gold. I'm on my second viewing, and have ordered a book to learn more.

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Michael Weber is a writer who meditates full-time for Q1 of the fiscal year and cannot be bothered to send newsletters. If you received this email, you signed up for his newsletter at some point. If you'd like to unsubscribe, you must first find somebody else to replace you. Share a link to subscribe!