An Open Letter to Everybody Like Me

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In Today's Email ✍🏻 Story | 📱Wartime Content Reccs

An Open Letter to Everybody Like Me During the Israel-Gaza War

Our co-workers ask us how we're doing. We assume they ask all the Jews in the office. "Y'know…," they'll say, "with everything going on in the Middle East?" And we always respond the same way: "Hanging in there." Because the truth is much too uncomfortable to share. The truth is that we're barely hanging on. In fact, we feel isolated, alone, and exhausted. On the one hand, the atrocities of October 7th can bring those like us to literal tears at any given moment of the day. And, on the other hand, we've always supported socially and economically progressive politics and are convinced that nothing the IDF is doing in Gaza is going to accomplish lasting peace for either the Israelis or the Palestinians.

Also, we secretly converted to Islam on October 6th.

Of course, it turned out to be awful timing for us. But how could we have known?? (They didn't tell any of us it was happening either!) We were planning our big Facebook post with the exciting news of our conversion for after the High Holidays, but now it never seems appropriate to share. We figured our parents would be surprised that we vowed in secret to uphold the teachings of the Prophet Mohamed and his enjoinments of patience, faith, and mercy. But now? Woosh. Forget about it. I mean, when do you bring that up?

Now, we sit at shabbos dinners and nod politely as our wives share the latest insights on military strategy from kosher dining influencers. "Oh, yes," we say, "it's all just so horrible." But really what we're thinking is, 'Can we really trust anything Hammas or the IDF is reporting to us? And don't you care at all that our hearts only get purified when we put trust in Allah!?"

So I speak now to all of you who are like me. To all of you who have been raised with Jewish values and have watched a dystopian hellscape unfold as corporate capitalism has gutted the middle class. I speak to those who now believe that our only answers lie in the ancient pages of the Holy Koran and who might have waited a few days to convert to Islam and/or reconsidered their decision entirely but now feel it's too late and frankly the Imam who converted us apparently doesn't have the time to return our texts but seems quite active on antisemitic TikTok. I speak to those whose Instagram algorithm is so utterly confused by our allegiances that it has resorted to exclusively serving content about gorillas playing with smaller animals. And I say this to you:

Let us pray– towards whichever direction suits you, but primarily in the general direction of our sacred Saudi Arabia–  that this war ends soon and we can return to fighting about nothing.

One funny thing about this post October-7th world is how everyone I know has suddenly become alt-right. The podcasters and YouTubers who were previously dismissed as QAnon opportunist quacks are now scholars who can offer a convincing explanation for what happened. In that spirit, here are a few that I’ve found to be enlightening in the past few weeks.

📺 I first found Douglas Murray when he went around the podcast circuit complaining that woke culture was going to destroy humanity. I found him very annoying. Now? A charming, intelligent, friend of the Jews. Here he is on Triggernometry, another show I once found distasteful but now pay $1,000/month for on Patreon.

📺 I refuse to believe that Barry Weiss and I are about the same age. If that were true, I’d be much more famous, like I will be when I’m as old as she is. Setting that aside for a moment, I found that her brand as the Paul Revere of antisemitism has aged quite well. Here she is speaking to a group of wealthy, white, friends of Israel.

🎥 And finally, some non-wartime content because I’m not entirely sure any of it is helping. I rewatch the Social Network every few years when I realize it’s available on Netflix, and each time I come away with a new interpretation of the the Zuckerberg v. Eduardo v. Winkelvoss dispute. It’s considered the best film of the century for a reason. On this rewatch, I noticed an entirely different intention of the writer that I had completely missed over on previous viewings. The movie is a great distraction, but still feels extremely relevant to our current moment. Watch on Netflix. And listen to the soundtrack, forever, below.

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Michael Weber is a writer who believes his 4-letter Twitter handle should count for something. If you received this email, you signed up for his newsletter at some point. If you'd like to unsubscribe, you must first find somebody else to replace you. Share a link to subscribe!