Kris Jenner Is Going to Die

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In Today's Email ✍🏻 Story | 🎤 TikTok | 📺 ZeroZeroZero

Kris Jenner is Going to Die

No, I wasn't threatening Mrs. Kardash– I'm sorry, Miss Jenner. I was simply informing her that she's gonna die. One day. She will! And you'll notice I never specified a day or year, or even a cause for that matter. I was just letting her know that it'll eventually happen.

Why? Because frankly she doesn't seem aware. I heard how much she's spending on remaining 41-years old. The cosmetics, the procedures, the indigenous ceremonies with medicine men (many of whom I know for a fact were raised in New Jersey). I had a duty to say something. We all did.

Okay. You do make an interesting point that perhaps her behavior is a function of her being hyper-aware of her own mortality. Ultimately, though, that argument just doesn't feel right to me. Typically, that depth of cosmic understanding is the domain of monks. And monks don't spend that kind of money on their faces. As far as I understand it, at least.

Was it worth spending a month-and-a-half in prison for trying to help a woman I briefly saw on Hulu while my wife was watching? No, I don't think it was. I’m certain I wouldn’t do it again. But that was a very, very, long time ago. I was a young man then. I'm not entirely sure how your publication even found out about it. The fact that she's outlived Hulu, what we used to call America, and still looks like the freekin' incredible queen she is? I think that's just good genes.

📺 Never realized how handsome Woody Harrelson is until I saw this.

@esquire

The shenanigans! #woodyharrelson #matthewmcconaughey #justintheroux

📺 I never binge, and I binged this. ZeroZeroZero went up a few years ago, but I slept on it for some reason. It’s about a cocaine deal and follows the buyers, seller, and brokers. This is the most gorgeous, surprising, and restrained show I’ve seen in a long time. The locations are stunning and the violence is just so damn classy. Narcos meets Margin Call, Prime, 1-hr.

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Michael Weber is a writer who fully supports every single one of the writers currently on strike– but doesn’t always feel supported by every single one of them. If you received this email, you signed up for his newsletter at some point. If you'd like to unsubscribe, you must first find somebody else to replace you. Share a link to subscribe!