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Arm Swap, pt. III
"Brady? Is that you?"
I knew it was Brady before I asked. I mean, you can spot his rotund little head from a mile away. How a man without a single hair can have dandruff is beyond me. He looked surprised when he turned around and saw me. I've gotten used to it.
"I could've sworn I heard your girlfriend calling my name," he said.
"Ex-girlfriend," I said. "And you did. Don't you read, Brady? It was all over the news."
People think swapping voices with your partner is a procedure you can get. Maybe it's because all the magazines say that that's what we did. Really though, it's a matter of training. Any couple can swap voices if they can afford the good coaches.
"How is she, by the way?" Brady asked.
"How do you think she is, Brady?"
After all, not everybody takes to the training like I did. But there was no way to know that until we had gone through just about every coach on the East Coast, and before my ex gave up entirely. We never bothered with the West Coast trainers. They're all garbage. When it was all said and done, she still had her same old voice, and now I had it too.
And even a healthy couple with the same exact voice can only last so long. The arguments just get ridiculous.
▶️ almostfriday.tv TikTok channel. These guys kill me every time. They play with your expectations in such a great way. It gives me hope in young people.
🗞️ Savage theater review. While reading this, try to imagine what it's like to be Beanie Feldstein.
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